December 2008
25 posts
“Jewish people still celebrate Christmas. Why wouldn’t they?”
– My mom.
Pilot: “The temperature in Buffalo right now is … Freezing cold.”
Our CEO brought in a homemade white chocolate cheescake that he baked himself. I have been on a pretty hardcore diet involving mostly egg whites, salsa, vegetables, and hard liquor, so now I have to weigh (pun intended) if CEO cheesecake is more important than resolve and willpower.
I think I am going to justify ruining my diet by saying that it is important to my career to eat this piece of...
Sock and Awe →
Throw your shoes and hit still-the-President Bush. This beats TypeRacer as my new favorite time waster.
They let me put Christmas carols on in the office, and I’m pretty sure I am going to die of happiness. It feels so much less like work when listening to the sound of pure joy. Also commercials. Lots of commercials. I’d forgotten what it was like to listen to the actual non-internet radio.
www.pornfortheblind.org →
saramcpherson:
Want to make a meaningful contribution to society this holiday season? This is a site where volunteers like you can record an audio synopsis of porn films for the visually challenged. Listen to a few and hear dorks earnestly making statements like “Now the woman is performing a blow job… the receiving party appears to be very pleased with this… the walls behind the couple are...
"I'm going to get you pregnant. I don't know how...
alexbalk:
Even better: “That is a scenario that can only come from someone from Buffalo’s mind.”
Yes, I watched the Jets game from a banquet hall in Buffalo for a tailgate party/wedding shower but I think it is admirable that despite having their hopes crushed year after year, Buffalonians are still able to muster that kind of passion for their home teams.
Can you blame them for coming up with...
Thank any and all gods that exist/are listening!!! I finally got my blackberry to work with my mac, so I will not have to live without it all weekend!
The reason I spend a lot of time with family...
On the drive to my mom’s house from the airport today, I came up with the absolute perfect way to describe her husband.
You know how on the Daily Show they occasionally go and interview “regular Joe America” on the street, and catch them saying the stupidest things, and the interviewer just kind of nods along in earnest and asks questions that lead to more stupidity?
That is...
I have to leave for the airport in approximately an hour, and of course have no clean clothes so I am “getting ready” by lying in bed next to my empty suitcase, reading a book while stark naked waiting for laundry to finish. WILL I NEVER LEARN.
How did she not rate her own show?
friend: I heard the greatest thing I have ever heard from melodramatic television
: "Dr. Phil: What did you need from your dad?"
: "Crying chick: I needed him not to be a serial killer."
agirlacity: um
friend: true story. I was watching in a doctor's office, because that is how they treat you in a waiting room
and he had all these people talking about thier parents
"I just wish he would have told me he loved me" or
"I just wish he'd been there for me"
"I just wish he had accepted me"
"I just wish he hadn't been killing other people"
Something I overheard in New York is on Overheard...
It was one of those “this is so ridiculous I can’t not send it in” moments. “The Astoria Poster-Children Were Fired Shortly Thereafter”.
Even though it doesn’t have my name attached or anything, I totally feel internet-famous.
At a dirty Tumblr meetup...
saramcpherson:
… the safety word would be “unfollow.”
Heh. Quoted for truth.
What the fuck, Canada?
“A Canadian Story That Isn’t About Poutine.”
Grab the book closest to you. Go to page 56. Find...
“Ephraim and Mortimer came forward, and before I could object they had each taken on eof my arms and were pulling me, without nnecessary roughness but with suprising strength, back to my chair.”
The Instruments of the Passion from The Collector’s Edition of the Lost Erotic Novels
[via cajunboy]: (Tumblr game via tylercoates)
